Friday, December 3, 2010

Pulling the Reigns

It's been two years since I took the reigns.
I let go and let the real professionals be in charge for three months.

After that I grabbed the reigns and took control again.
I moved out of a bad environment, knowing that that was the last of the problems.
I worked on thy self and what I didn't know about it.
Knowing They Self is what a lot of people pretend to do.
They forget that it takes a shitload of work.
Do you truly know your self?
I find it to be the best job ever in wanting to know and wanting to be in control of "thy self".
I was into everything before I got the real professional help.
I was also not very knowledgable about who I was.
I didn't love my self as much as I thought either.
These days I feel that I'm in control.
It my just be a feeling or it my be a ruse.
It feels great though.
Every now and then I get the feeling that another chapter has concluded.
I feel that each of these chapters has been a good read and not always about me.
Although in "my book" or "my movie".
I'm in love with the 'me' part of my life again and it feels as awkward as trying to hold hands for the first time.
Awkward in that unbelievably new way. A happy way.
My eyes are feasting on things that I've never noticed before and if I've noticed them it's in a new way.
I'm doing things again that I used to do well and having it be entirely new. Like a skill that I used to be great at and now being a novice again. I figure that everything I've learned is now a memory and trying them again adds a beginning to the process.
Things like shooting a basketball.
Things like cooking a gourmet meal.
Things like making love.
Things like giving hugs.
Things like completing a poem and refining it.
Things like... well, you might get the hint.
I'm enjoying watching others get further.
I'm seeing how others feel.
I'm balancing my life and getting further with it.

I'll keep you posted.

Thursday, November 18, 2010


Where you find darkness
Being Appears.
Where you find fraud
Honesty Appears.

In that true moment

You declare

A thinker’s abundance.

You declare war against
The anger,
The despair,
The deprecation.
They helped, yet hindered
At the same time.
Yet you only have seen the help
That’s what really comes through in redemption.

Monday, November 15, 2010


Can we just not mention that aspect of our lives?
Too beautiful
Not mentioning jealousy
Not mentioning the tears
Not mentioning staring at the skies
Just wondering
Wondering and the time wandering
Not mentioning the state of being at the time when things get all
… get all… looking down from a rooftop
Voices inside and outside always yelling
Yelling that blasted word
Not mentioning a lot of that.
A lot of that limits the stream of feeling.
Feeling the whatever you’re supposed to feel
Not mentioning is simply the feeble attempt at not feeling something you’ll eventually feel at later date anyway.
Just maybe with someone else.
Maybe that’s the way it has to be.
What the junk do we know anyway?
We need not know what I know.
Wait. Maybe I just said more than I should?
I don’t do well verbally most of the time.


Sunday, November 7, 2010

It Must Be Part 2

It must be that I’m attracted to what You Were.
It must be that I’m living in the past,
‘Cause I’m not that kid anymore,
and you ain’t that girl.
It must be that we see different,
That we aren’t anything alike,
That you’re not even my type,
That we’re both different kinds of Crazy,
The kinds of crazy that when we’re crazy for each other it gets sour real quick.
I still want us in some weird way.
Even though I saw you turn, I witnessed your darkness.
In some weird way I wished this train wreck was salvageable
But all I can pick up that means anything are the stupid arguments
The rest of the remains of Us.
Still sweet but in so many pieces that only a scientist could put it back together.
And they’re all mad now cause it fell off the rails in first place
And I’m mad that you’ve turned
And you’re mad that I became wild
And the rest are mad because they just wish it could be anything but boring.
At least we have that.
That it just keeps getting more and more exciting
That even though the hot coals of my reflections on our years blisters my skin.
That at least we’ll have something truly unique to look back on
Until the scientists use the new math to pull us back together.
We deserve that much.
‘Cause we can’t do it ourselves, can we?

Friday, November 5, 2010

It Must Be

You are the one in the music
The music that follows me around
The heart ache, the soul break
They speak of you
All the time
You’re playing the game
Because of you
Blaming me. Everything on me.
Your ghost
You’re a ghost that’s alive and follows me around
Through the radio, the tv, the newspapers
Every point of light and dark makes me think you’re still in me
Part of me
I’m kidding myself
‘Cause you’re gone
and won’t be back
You and they against my inner wall
Pointing in my direction
Everything apples
It was just you
It must just be you and me

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Suns and Daughters

My Son
There will never be another you.
My Daughter
There will never be anyone as unique.

The time has passed to declare you a Man
Sometimes it takes a long while
And sometimes you aren’t given a choice.
To be a man at birth,
Or a woman among kin.

The sun rays glisten on Daughters and Sons
Who follow the rules and even bend them a little.

You were little ones once
I still feel little some days
but who’s to say who the real grown ups are.

I will love you both just for making an appearance in my life
I apologize if I change too much as the years get on
I’m sure the understanding is there.

Sunshine basks on the bodies of Daughter's and Son's.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

We Laugh

A hard concept to grasp
When placed next to Tears
Tears make it easier to notice the whys
Laughs are harder to notice or explain
Though we do not know why
We just think its funny
Sooner or later
the Laughs become understandable
Sooner or later
you tolerate the Tears
Sooner or later
you are given a reason
As to why we feel the wide range of Emotions
Laughter or Giggles
May be construed as nervous or God given Healing
That you need to get through
The clenched fist fear and Tears
Tears that corrode a laughing face
Tears that dance and trickle down cheeks
Like drops of Ocean
Tears dry up and become a loose fitting Smirk
In Short Moments
Where fear no longer treads
A single laughing matter is what we hunt for in this Game
Where deception follows a hard lesson
Where cheating helps until you get slapped by Honesty
Where you still end up Laughing
and trying to explain
and foible up the ending.

Sunday, October 31, 2010


Lifetime of Change.
Beginnings happen without Warning.
Death may just be a gift of a Fresh Start.
To Come into the Light.
Freedom from Darkness,
I am Redeemed.
The Lasting Impression of Worth,
Of Meaning.
I know the Gratitude of The Mortal Coil.
And I See that the Lifetime of Change has reconciled many a plagued soul
And brought me to you, for you.
It may not seem so for I seem knowledgable and strong.
That's your fault.
And you believe you are small and meek.
But in you I see Purity and Valour.

It feeds me to change further.

It feeds me to begin.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

No More Lies

I lied about doing the dishes.
I lied about your shoelace being done up.
I did clean under the oven,
I did buy more condoms.
Even though I've had that Vasectomy.
You lied about your underwear.
You weren't wearing the same pair when you left this morning.
I think it was my fault.
There was a lot in me last night.
I wish I could meet your twin.
Not that she'd be the opposite.
Just that
Be a Cool person to know.
I know a lot of people that have told me that,
To you, I someone else
Someone cool
Someone without issues.
You have some quite neck breaking issues
I've a strong neck.
It's you
It's you completely
You drive me into the path of a tanker truck.
I'll avoid it to stay
With you
And so will she
Your twin
I need you both that much.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


I See You
Everywhere I Look
Your face and form are Unique
Yet I See You
Haunted by your Charm
Your mass appeal
Another indication that you still Hold my Heart
With clenched fists
You're in my head
I see every part of You
Haunted by your Smell
You're so inside me now
I need not your Real World form
Although I'd like to try again
Its enough to know you're Still Around
Its enough to know we breathe the same Air
Haunted by Memories so sweet
I remember Your touch
I pray you don't forget Mine.

Monday, October 18, 2010

An Element of Freedom ; An Element of Fear

New Ground Broken
Overwhelming wavelength of energetic thought.
Lost Love education passed with honours.
School and Train of Thought features all emotions.
Foreign elements of change and fear tranquilize the auric field.
Wide open for spirits to engage and tempt.
Nevermind the forethought,
Nevermind the hindsight.
Mention a misgiving and trust is broken.
Fear of territory unknown in the laws of love.
Mortal wound goes unseen.
Finding a spiritual salve for the hidden scars.
Scars deep in the chest.
Scars from the battle for love.
The prescription for the agony of love is kindness
through the simplicity of Openness.
Open is Waiting.
Trust in the belief that in Time, Open will come to you.
Hide nothing,
it isn't needed when you get there anyway.
Freedom confronts Fear.
More new ground broken.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


To Feel it,
even Feel it,
is Amazing.
Every difference settled,
between every, even the most insignificant argument.
Every mismanaged troubled avenue explored, set aside.
Eyes wide open as each soul embraces a new understanding.
Brought together through chaos.
Forgotten disputes settled over satirical memories and all stereotypes simply mocked.
The only ridicule is the game
Each individual achievement, even the smallest, is applauded.
Grins from every nook and every cranny of each pure face.
The foundation was laid in ancient times.
The tower continues to build on itself.
The architecture studied and carefully crafted.
Accepted hand over hand.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Mayhem. Embrace. A Kiss. Air.
Meltdown. Cradled. Sensual. Aura.
The Clouds envelop your Spirit.
A Gift from another Time.
You use the Power for Reason, for Change.
You Trust. You must give Trust for the Flight.
No Wings, just Thought, the Right Thought and you're Up. In Flight.
There is no mind or weight or toxins.
There is Afterlife after the beacon is seen.
We all have the Chance for Flight.
To Leave. To Stay. First Walk. Then Crawl. Then Kneel. No prayer.
You won't need that anymore
You're already here.
You did, didn't You. You forgot we were already Flying.
You won't need to anymore.
You won't forget this Flight.
Not this time.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

New Leaf

An Invitation to another Life
Meeting everyone who did their best to Help
Giving away what you Forgot
Leaving what was terrible at the Door
Helping, In mysterious ways the good ones you left Behind
Enjoying the beauty you were too blind to see in the Mortal Coil
Pleasantly leaving your weapons at the Gate
Holding on to Nothing
Harbouring not the malice and pressure of earthly Existence
Weeping with Grace
Cleaning the soul of it's Impurities
Never mentioning the Why

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Wanting to Walk Through this life with you.
Dreaming of You and I crumbling into each other.
Pretending you're invisible just so I believe you're always around me.
Harmless delusions that you still want me by your side.
Welling up when I see you for real,
No matter what state you're in.
Always meaning to say what has been left unsaid.
Remembering to feel amnesia when thoughts sway to our parting.
A bedtime mantra said outloud when I close my eyes.
Hoping that someday you'll be the one that smothers me with compassion.
When thoughts turn your way it's something stronger than love.
Noticing the lucky hand of years in your presence.
Time to forget the reason we decided that parting was a good idea.
Growing each day through each trial I face.
Flowering as I know that you are becoming what you need to be.
Knowing that look you wear when you shrug and smile away the tears.
Recognizing the strength of feeding our ethereal connection.
Grand times always with my heart in your hands.
A sadness sometimes so heavy that I can't help but to smile.
Only the truly lucky can understand this type of logic.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Quiet Decay

Comes In Waves
Hurts Like Blades
Leaves You Dry
Helps You Cry

Learn From Pain
The Best Teacher

Set Apart
From The Heart

Eaten By Doubt
Comfort In Distractions
Knowledge From Regret
Embraced By Failure
Victories Cast Aside
To Endure Is Bliss
Survival Is Pleasure
Edge Of Reason Bleeds Pride
Racing Thoughts Dive Deep
Telepathic Soul Finds The Antidote
Sanity's Fine Line Is Paper Thin
The Suffering Exit Point


You tried.
You pieced it all together.
You broke it all down.
You were up for the challenge.
Everyone and everything was against you.
Not that they didn't care.
They just figured you couldn't do it.
When you finished, they were amazed.
It was always in vain,
As they didn't know it was possible.
They swept it all under the rug,
Like a shitty janitor.
Now they want you to forget.
Forget they made you try,
Forget that you made do.
The effort made you a champion.
Now you
Just want to Forget
To End It
To Lose the irreversible Feeling
Of Loss through a private victory
One Day we'll all figure out what went on
Not in your lifetime.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Slip on Rocks

You slip.
Never destined to keep your footing.
Now you just look for cheaper ways to fall further.
Nothing really helps,
Nothing simply breaks your fall.
You look under boulders for unturned ideas.
You never wanted it to be as rough as this.
You might as well make it worse,
Or just harder.
Harder and deeper lets you cherish the moments of bliss all that much more
Or at least you try to think that way.
Masochism at least gives you some control.
It clarifies that you're fit for your job,
If you find it, you'll lose it,
It doesn't matter anyway.
When you find it, it'll be gone soon.
Helps you accept it ,
Helps you cherish it,
Helps ease you into the inevitable.
Makes you listen,
Forces a grin,
Lets you see that perfection is in the moment.
You need not expect more.
If you do you're just setting yourself up for more disasters.
The Real Truth is that when the curtain falls,
That perfection you once felt if only for a moment
Lasts Forever.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A List From The Past???

The Stale Licorice Blues
Cap'N Crunch Mouth Sores
Pop Rocks Suicide
Gob Stopper Paralysis
Cheap Hallowe'en Toffee Angst
Dog Park Frankfurter Massacre
Chip Bag Toll Free Numbers
Cheez Whiz Sedation
Teflon Bubble Gum
Cheap Easter Bunny Chocolate
Sour Cream Pasties
Beer Nut Stupor
Theme Park Axle Grease
Ketchup Chip Spit
Visine Dependancy
Sleeping Pill Insomnia
Vodka Clarity
Steel Town Love Shack
Donut Shop Banter
Can I Borrow A Cigarette???
Eye Candy Junky
Cougar Trap
Baggage Handler
Movie Burnout
Apartame Addiction
Vicious Flies
Granny Panties
Strap On Scars

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Pins and Needles

The feeling
of deadened unusable limbs
The taste
of sickly sweet fruit
a delicacy of forbidden sensation
The touch
of a lustful kiss between strangers
high on a bond of chakras
The intensity
of a brief encounter with a sensual ghost of lover's past
The pain
of the sight of your enemy enjoying his spoils
The heat
of something so cold
it burns like a river of razorblades
The wave
of goodbyes
an end to a life you once knew
The elation
of an averted glance
seeing two souls who recognize a future
The numbing effect
of being a mortal pin cushion.

Monday, September 27, 2010


A short kiss
A long breath
A shadow on the cheeks from a day's hard drinkin'

A patina belt passes behind the jeans
The feeling of being unbuttoned
The feeling of claws unzipping denim

Evening panties taken off
Tight grasp of the hips

Forgetting the socks
Forgetting the bra
Forgetting reality's grip

All the letters sent
All the moonlight gifts of the full bodied
All the neck smells wasted

All for a bit of Romancin'

Sunday, September 26, 2010


You build on their judgements
Their perception of your lack thereof
Their perception of your weakness
Their wealth of ignorance
You build.
You build on it all.
You break from the thunderclap
The artists break their strings
It becomes an anthem
The underestimation of your worth
The blindness to your light
The glow of your healed scars
Scars only shown through the eyes
Your beacon heart hides
Your racing brain sickens
Underestimation, your greatest strength.
It puzzles them how you keep on
They don't realize that it is your enemy that give you this strength
The strength in their Underestimation

Friday, September 24, 2010

Strength Reserve - a poem

Cash it in
Your karmic debt

Defies reason
Invites doubt
Your calling is a simple smile
Your wisdom cries youth
The pressure soothes the backs of broken men
Your strength is hidden
It seems you're weak
You've held your cards
Yet to a play a hand
You fold the four aces
And show them you had it
They begin to ask why

Looking for the reason,
Hoping for a point

You open up
The real strength is not in the game
The real strength does not come from victory

It comes from knowing
Knowing that you know is strength enough.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Song Review - "Crash Into Me" - The Dave Matthews Band

Crash Into Me - The Dave Matthews Band

A radio hit that jived with me more than any other of Dave Matthew's Songs.
He seemed to be talking about the moment of conception. Or just simply, making love. For song reviews I'll give the song a good once over as I write.
The guitar strumming makes for a great love song... he even includes some great freudian scripture about his momma.
Dave's greatest love song is by far this one...
picking about how innocence grows into adulthood and all of the aspects that true love is, is certainly, in my opinion, what this has in it for me.
"Crash Into Me" was certainly a breakthrough hit for Dave. He's had many since.
If I had a song to make love to, or an album, "Crash Into Me" would be on it.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Autumn Thoughts

I recieved a call from a charity today.
I'm glad I was home to recieve it. Helping children acquire snowsuits and clean drinking water was something I've neglected over the last little while.
Money is kind of tight for anything in my life that is charity driven.
I'd still like to help though. I've stopped giving to the change boxes at point of purchase locales.
I'm going to settle with just ONE charity to give to in my life when I can afford to give to it. I still haven't narrowed it down to which one. In my thinking, I've come to a little bit of a dillema. I'd rather work for a charity and donate my time then just simply give. I have more time on my hands than money. I just have to think about where I can apply my hands and what areas would accept my time instead of twenty bucks a month.
I was volunteering at a sanctuary for donkeys that is somewhat local and I thought that I was doing what was right in my heart.
I then thought that I'd like to promote myself as a little bit of a charity. I don't want anyone's charitable donations.
I'd just like to use my time to be "productive" for my self.
I have put this blog on my list as something I'd like to donate my time to. As well as bettering myself by taking the world in. Then, after I fill up, I will use my time for something like a real charity. Until then, I'm having my time and money all to myself. I will continue to grow from that. Maybe my wallet will too.
When I narrow down my choices of a specific real charity to 1, then I will also think about using my moth and button filled wallet to make my life feel more like I'm giving back.
When I have more money than time the world's charities will be a little richer.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


The last couple of days have been productive.
I've started writing my revisions to my first screenplay.
It's been delicious and intimidating, if you could describe it that way.
Daunting is another description.
I love it though...
it sits on the desk by my bed and I have thought about continually for a long while. I wake up and take a few pokes at reading it and scribing it.
Mentally I've been great...
completely chilled out and sleep has also been productive and driven.
I am adding a burst of poetry to the film and I think it brings a level of humility to the project.
Tune in... to this construction of what I think is a major part of my life as a writer.
Feel free to drop a line if you follow.

Monday, July 12, 2010

It worked out. Now, it's workin' out

The whole missing a couple of days of my much needed innoculation worked.
Only had a few anxiety attacks.
Now I'm rollin'.
I'm now doing some much needed work on my screenplay.
I've neglected it for far too long.
Today I will be revising and over the next couple of days, weeks and months I'll be pecking away at it.
I'll let you know how my progress is going on this blog.
The feeling of getting back to work on something I was so dedicated to a few years ago is kind of freeing.

Feel free to follow.


Friday, June 25, 2010

My Shot.

Today has been kinda funny in a weird way.
Normally my Friday is about getting my shot. A kind of distemper shot if you will. It's an Anti-Psychotic med that comes in the form of a needle in the butt. It kinda keeps me glued together until I get my next one. Funny, a shot in the butt in order for you to be okay enough to be out in public. Oh well, it works... but today was different. The pharmacy didn't have it on hand. So I guess I have to face stark reality until next week. Feeling a little anxiety ridden right now... I guess it's just the psychosomatic knowledge that I'm without the Rx that I have not yet to miss in over a year... Monday is the day to look forward to that shot in the arse and my parent's are worried and pissed at the pharmacy... I'm not, hey, if the zombie apocalypse happens, the last thing I'd be worried about would be my mental health...err... well maybe that...hmmmmm.
Go Brazil!
I'll keep you posted!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Boiled Eggs

I was stewing over what to have this afternoon before I dove into Chicken Paprikas for my dinner. It's weird that we depend on these little ground fowl for a lot of different things.
That's what made me want a "Soft Boiled Egg".

Recipe for a "Soft Boiled Egg and Toast" -


A pot that will comfortably fit 2 cups of water.
A teaspoon
A butter knife
A plate (medium or dinner size, depending on how much toast you want)


Eggs (in the shell)
Becel, lard or salted butter (just pick one)
Bread slices


For Soft Boiled Egg -

1. On one of the small elements on the top of the stove, set burner to MAX.
2. Place pot on burner with at least 2 cups of water inside.
3. Heat to a rolling boil.
4. Add egg to boiling water (place egg slowly into pot with teaspoon)
5. Boil egg for 4-5 minutes for soft boiled perfection.
6. Turn stove to OFF
7. Scoop egg from water with teaspoon and run under cold tap water until your hand can handle it.
8. Pick up butter knife and give the eggshell a good whack with the edge so as to give the shell a straight crack along the side halfway up.
9. Lightly scoop out the inside of the egg with teaspoon and place on inside on plate.

For Toast-

1. Some have the toaster in a cupboard, some have the toaster on the counter. Get your fucking toaster!
2. Put your bread into the toaster on desire "toast" setting.
3. When toast "pops" use the butter knife to spread butter on the toast, preferably when hot.
4. If toast is burnt, you're a loser, get more bread and start over. This time you may have to pop it yourself.
5 After toast is done with the desired amount of butter on it. You have achieved a nice tasty snack.

The reason for a soft boiled egg is so you can dip you toast in the yolk.
The albumen or "white" of the egg is like the meat. I prefer a lot of pepper and salt with my soft boiled egg and use roughly 2 eggs per meal with 3 slices of toast. Lots of good yolk sopping goes on with this combination.

If you're hungry I find this meal is great for a before dinner fix.
Just to let you know, I found the Chicken Paprikas great, even if it was a victim of the microwave. I found that a half bowl of corn chips and a cola went well with it.

Simple Meals with Bran will continue soon.

Get Caught Up

Such is the low
of the problem addictions
That's if
there's anything at all wrong with addictions
I thought the idea of being addicted to something was that it made you happy and you always want more.
In that "Robert Palmer" kinda way
"Addicted" has that cool ring to it
"Addicted" in the social way has to mean or equate to a problem, a tragedy
of a state of being
I must be addicted to Loving.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

... Elipses ...

Denies me the privilege of calling anything a lost cause.
It implies a lack of ending.
Use the "old stand by",
Disaster or simple tragedy.
It's easier that way

When your face is in the facts
and your face shows the facts
you become the facts
and alibies
that conditioning
family history
and superstition all added up to one story.

That we all should give up, stop fighting and realize
The ride is over
let's line up for another one of the same


Why would you put stuff in a place where you needed mothballs?

The Joint?

Bliss to Exist
Sleep becomes your main source of healing
Every awake means a New You
Another try
Another do
Just open your eyes and wake up
Play again
Roll the dice
Like winning the lottery
Uncracking the eye crust
To receive again
And again
Make your list
And put "Clean up the Joint!" on it.

Too Much Therapy (1st Revision)

Too much therapy let's them crack the hard boiled exterior
Even when the shell was never that solid in the first place
The hard boiled facade was too 90s anyway
and we're bringing back the 70s and 80s
and trying to just blend in
and make things add up to a little less than ridiculous
So that we might be around for a romp at midnight
and have nothing more to give after that
Except for a good complaint.
After too much therapy I should be welded perfectly shut
and have less stories to tell
and learn to shut up
and choose my moments
to attempt to maintain control of a situation that's fully out of whack.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Vicious Rumours of the Small Town Hustle

Orwellian State Authority may be a positive thing.
Keep 'em in their place.
To instill a "fear" in "people".
That you are being watched.
By an element unseen.
Call it whatever you call it.
Everyone is being monitored.
Even when hiding in a locked closet eating drywall.
Even if you believe that you are doing the watching.
The Eye is
On you too.
The "thought" police are more likely a keystone type of authority
and should moreso be called the "lost" police.
The act of securing a free and clear thinker to harness her energy because they've got more time on their hand than they realize.
The viciousness of what goes on behind the scenes makes the "thought" police seem like they're making the best of their jobs.

At rounding up the ones who are harmless.

Instead of focusing on the true danger.

Carl Vaughn III

So... a win.
A run in.
As the Rum trickles down.
A gentleman, with a 22 year Russian model, close to the bar asks,
"What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a writer," I say, proudly.
I then ask, "What do you do for a living?"
"I win." the gentleman says.
As you survive what you're been through and are issued, you begin to think and say,
"Hey... it's all about the small victories."

A Laundry List Of What Was Lost When The Plane Hit The Pentagon

What was lost when the Plane hit the Pentagon?

The JFK File.
The Oswald File.
The Ruby File.

The Ark of the Covenant.
The Diagram on how to evacuate the Pentagon.
3 Pairs of Toenail Clippers.
5 Clones Of George W. Bush.
The Herb the made KFC more tasty.
1 Trans Fat
1 Plane

Drinking Games Without The Booze

These are our new fandangled College Days, by the way.
Even after the fact that you feel
or don't feel much like loading up your brain and learning any more.
That one belongs back in a high school clique scenario.
Step Out!
Break the Mold!
You're in your Thirties!
Become Yourself.
Even if the writing on the walls doesn't make much sense.
If you like it, Wear the Shoes!
If you can't stand it, Find Another Pair!

Slip up the Steps

Guilt Ridden at the loss of public trust.
That's where Religion, Science, Politics, and Protocol begin to blend.
And your silent G-O-D ends up being the only One who knows what to do about
the corrupted situation.
This mindset may take a while to cure.
Or maybe it just takes a nice ole fashioned pat on the back.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Yogi Berra, in his later years, when asked how he felt replied,
"I feel Great. I feel more now like I used to than I felt then."


I just write.
Doesn't pay the bills t'all.
Doesn't hurt the fall t'all.
It does cushion the blows.
It does make something of't.
It creates instincts.
It creates a buzz.
It develops the mind.
And gets rid of the chatter.
And it comes from nowhere specific.
It just comes.
If you felt it,
You'd understand.

The Falls

Winnin' Money
Sin and sin
The lift and rush of being in the moment
Supercedes all aspects of anything that more sinnin' can bring.
More money
A free room
Still Up.
On her part.
A big meal
A few ribbings and arguments.
A few slights that get to the point.
A bit of tough love.
A bit of latter hard luck.
Who believes in luck these days?

Severing the Ties

I have given it
To you.
Whether you want it
Or not.
I am giving it up
So you will have more.
I've heard I've done fantastic.
I've heard I've done perfect.
Looks like
I've still got some work to do
To catch up
To you.
Perhaps a few more deprecating rants
would get me closer.
Perhaps that's all I need is to scribe
A good ole fashioned Bukowski suicide rant
But that wouldn't change a thing.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Things Turn Around Too Slow

Stagnant waters
Too shallow for cleanliness.
Never sucked dry of gunk
Left to rot even when reborn.

All called classless,
or without bottom.

So many shoulda, coulda, woulda's and not even has been's.
Makes sense as not they're not even sad, just pathetic
Trying to keep going when your here isn't even nearly above water.
Where's the magic in that?
It's not even a novelty to watch anymore.
Folks just going about their business,
Whatever that is.

Mum usta ask me where they were all going on the highway,
"Wher're they all goin'?"
On our leisurely drives to family picnics,
With our three legged races during busy non-holiday traffic ridden freeways.
I ask that of myself in most ghost towns these days.

Probably to spend the money that they don't have...

and to turn around and go slowly home.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

delicate love.

Brittle blood drops
congealed apathy.
The time we took instead of shared
The time we spent watching less than ourselves
The three wishes we each made
added up to six
All six were not about us or where we stood
on money
on friends
on expensive dreams
on beauty
on vanity
and on revenge
When the delicate heart business declares itself relevent
Does it matter when I stand up and shout,
"That Hurts!"
In this time capsule
there is sand
there is glass
there is something we may call dirt
We make diamonds out of the mess of dirt
Like fragments of fragile hearts
We pray to pick up what's left of Us and make a humble Union.

Chimes and Baby's Breath

Tingling and Soft
A blush of wind adds a touch of redness to the cheeks.
When the knocks of bamboo are heard outside of a bedroom
it is a silent stir that a watcher enjoys.
Warm breath on the skin of a shoulder.
The mist of a fresh picked garden flower drips unto soil.
The sound of pipes gently hitting each other's unbalanced lengths.
All combinations that make for heavenly second's of hourglass sand.

Donate Some Hours

Shaved the whiskers of the past month's mouth.
Wiped the arse of a good meal.
Warshed the pits of a drippy work day.
Trimmed the nails of neglected feet.
Put on a hat.
Put on some socks.
Put on an undershirt and some boxers
Found some pants at the bottom of the pile.
Found a "just about dirty" shirt.
Went to a party at a place that smelled better than most salons.
Ordered a drink and melted on a stool.
Watched everything around me blend into a small, relevant situation.
Kissed my hand and told the bartender I was going for a smoke.
Lit one up outside and found myself alone again.
In dreams like this I rarely get some selfish time to call my own.
I don't really smoke that much.

Miss That Kiss

A blend of lips from several different angles.
A thinly drawn saliva separation line.
A tongue sweeps across teeth with lustful grace.
An eye strain into another set
Different longing visions.
A sniff of tears at the time gone by.
A softly bitten neck, ear, cheek.

She pinned down the man and grabbed him by the wrists.
She will never leave him now.
She whispers, "Be careful with your moments..."

and holds him down harder.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Potatoes Develop a Higher Intelligence

A Smart Spud
Evades the Deep Fryer
He has visions only of dark, wet soil
He misses his Idahome
He is frightened by sights of his kin, mashed
A genius by and large
Covered in minerals but lacking in limbs
All brain with plenty of eyes
A thinking taters tot
His goal is to take root
and befriend the crying, sobbing onion.

- this piece was part of a lesson in humour at a workshop I had recently attended. I decided to see if I could learn a little by thinking that a potato could possibly have a little more brains than I do... it seemed to work!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Mental Health and Scribing and Voicing and Hoping for Listeners

Having had success with poetry, verse and oration over the last number of years I'd like this blogsite to take on a new theme.
Mental Health truths and stories, almost a memoir of sorts.
It is being inspired by my history of "eventually" jumping the hurdles of mental illness and by the blog by a man in the area named Mike Barnes.
I'm hoping to meet him over the next little while in order to start speaking again. If you happen upon this blog please feel free to folow my progress with my name vein of writing.
After a diagnosis of schizophrenia in 1993 and some follow up diagnoses of depression and post traumatic stress in the latter years I have been doing remarkably well over the past year.
I have, surprisingly since telling the world as an advocate of metal health gone through many episodes some serious, some not so.
I have also been the victim of stigma since coming out as a survivor of mental illness.
Called a "consumer-survivor", the label is given to people who have seen and come out the other side of the mental health system.
I spent a little more than three months in Homewood Health Centre in autumn/winter of 2008-2009.
I followed the comprehensive psychiatric care curriculum to the letter for the time I was in there and came out the other side a new person with new goals and plenty of new friend and professionals helping to guide my visions.
The idea of being in mental health rehabilitation for that amount of time instead of seeing psychiatric wards as a revolving door system for each episode over many years was the best decision I ever could have made.
I have since moved and now live in the "nesting" environment.
My helping my parent's out and them helping me.
A much more loving and social life for someone that was deeply troubled both internally and externally for many years.
In this new blogging effort I will bring up my ideas of surviving with and coping with the stigma of mental illness as well as how humouress life can be when you see it with a little bit of a light hearted nature.
If you can laugh at the seriousness of most problems and laugh with yourself you may be at a gateway to complete and total recovery instead of constantly being in and out of the meat grinder of the physical system itself.
If you are a follower please feel free to ask questions and bring up your concerns. I truly hope to build a lot of writing on this subject and may squeeze a poem in here from time to time.
talk soon,

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A Little Bit of Romance For the Lover's Out There...


A short kiss with a long breath
A shadow on the cheeks from a day’s hard drinkin’
Evening old panties taken
The patina belt passes quickly through each loop
The feeling of being unbuttoned
The feeling of claws unzipping denim
Tight grasps of the hips
And forgetting the socks
And forgetting the bra
And forgetting reality’s grip
And forgetting the past
All the letters sent
All the gifts given
All the neck smells wasted
All for a bit of romancin’
And all forgotten but for those stupid brain cells.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Why a Blog???

Hey all!

As most all of you know I am a beginner as a poet.
I have been writing in many forms for many years and am finding it a great avenue to show how much I love poetry as an artform.
I am picking away at my blog and trying to add a piece daily.

Thanks for all the support!
I have two chapbooks together now and look forward to getting a more masterful composition out in the late spring.

Thanks to all who have obtained a copy.

I am now getting some of my work out there by "snail mail" and hope to have a real following in a short time.

When you read the work, please pass the word on that poetry is now my occupation.

If you would like to acquire a copy of one of my chapbooks please feel free to ask.

So far the first one is out of stock and the art in it will be added to the third compilation and dissected to make it a little more palatable.

I will be getting more of the second "piece of work" out to suit demand.
Let me know if you want a copy and, toute de suite, it will be yours.

I am attending the POW! workshops in Cobourg, Ontario at the "Meet Me at 66 King" coffee house in the months of April and look forward to reading something enlightening and meeting lots of talented people.

If you stop by the blog feel free to leave a note of what you'd like to see (topic) and I'll do my best to suit that need.

Currently, I speak weekly at "Capone's" - the old Cobourg Jail (open jam) and look forward to the other forms of entertainment.
So if you're in town, come and take a look.
Wednesday's at 7pm.

I'd love to have more reader's of my work.
I love when it actually gets in the hands of fan's of poetry and verse.

So ... if you stop by ... leave a note.


Monday, March 8, 2010

Mental Feng Shui

You deserve this
The people do too
When you look at someone who has seen you before
Are you sure its really them?
Why do I feel like a live poet?
Sans question mark?
My life revolves around a candy house
Have you ever eaten a house?
Its expensive
It requires a lot of Feng Shui
And reprogramming
It doesn’t cave in
A poem is based on merit
A poem is based on understanding
A poem is based on whatever comes out of your head
That is what poetry is all about
If you’re a poet
I would think
That you made
That you make
Perfect cents.

- Bran.

Sunday, March 7, 2010



Thinking about Giving Up
I saw a sign once
Told me not to
Jog my memory
For something immaculate
For a change
Fit the pieces of the puzzles together
So even the worn out ones
Make sense
Feasting on rejection
Feasting on ambivalence
Feasting on reinventing
The wheel
Hit a milestone today
A rejection I feel good about
Just getting the phone call
Means a little more than nothing
A milestone turned upside down
Leads you to greener pastures
Every now and then
- Bran.

Friday, March 5, 2010



I stared at you
You said nothing
Your face said it all
One million times over
Your past
The worst parts are fading
At least that’d be my wish
You’re a light
In a truly narrow channel
You’re a glove
Either ready to slap
Or ready
To put a cold hand in
We’ve come far
Although we really don’t see enough of each other
The world sees more of us
Than we do
I guess that’s what happens with the newly star cross’d

- Bran.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Oh That Block


Too drummed up
Not abusive
No brain silence
No mental peace
No peace of mind
No cocktail can quell
At least for a long while
A strength that I can’t muster
An omen that can’t be taken away
Poetry can only be from a dead man’s hands
Up early
Down late
Come clean
Down low
Knocked out
Not from a punch
But from just words
And from things quietly taken
And taken slowly

- Bran.

Ton of Bricks

Ton of Bricks

Feel that wave
Its like a ton of bricks
Feel that energy shift
Brings ya to your knees
Brings more than salvation to the floor
A knockout nose nudge that holds weight
A blistered hand that punches that clock
A calm drive through that level five
A ton of bricks
A weeping tile to handle the foundation
A kind of love session with virtual penetration
At ease with ourselves as the cold blights warm us up
To nice a summer got us all soft
We’ve forgotten what we’re here for, folks
This ain’t no hippy chick
This ain’t no dandy movement
This is your new age
It hit some worse than expected
More than a ton of bricks.

Flat Tire

Flat Tire

How much does it take to feel safe?
Late at night
Fump fump fump
Call someone who knows
Learn from a book
Keep some road flares
And some kitty litter
Bald as a baby’s butt
Squeal and cut loose
Hex and tighten one at a time
Road resistance
Tire broke off, eh?
Get the credit cards out
Take it to an unknown dealership
Bank roll the mechanic
For a few bolts
How much cash you got?
Can’t swipe
I’ll miss that dealership and they’ll miss me
Gonna be a good year
- Bran.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Visions and Laughs

Sexy and Fiery

When I see you
I drop
I take a knee
I need a coupla seconds
Whatever dress
Whatever number
The brown one looks best
Your tits look good in it
Fishnet stockings
Especially on you
Make you look like candy
The way you twist your pasta dish
Makes me back arch
The thought of you
With another
Simply makes me feel unlucky
On certain days
I just see you
As a vision
Instead of the physical
The rest of the days
Make me wish to wake up beside you
You head on my chest
Helps my head sleep
Your lips
Put my heart into overdrive
Even when I’m not around
Wherever you came from it had to be hot
A flaming teardrop in your left eye
makes me think you’ll stick up for me
Drinking you in
Makes you angry for me not doing anything
“How can you just sit there?”
You say
I’m paralysed
I’m all stutters
I’m in a cocoon
I wish I was in his shoes
Sometimes I think he wishes he was in mine
Your hair
In auburn noire locks
You back has a curve that makes me think
You should be in the Louvre
It scares me to offend you with a compliment
Which is why
I plug a smoke in my face
And shut up
And continue
To drink you in
Something you don’t understand
And perhaps get slapped
For not doing something
Your nature makes us need each other more with the passage of time.

Angels are put to bed
Men become hair bullies
Sheep grow fangs and eat their lambs
Cows still know
They even know what the weather’s gonna be like
So do the sea gulls. They can smell rain.
And everybody who ever visits anyone lives at the airport
And no one ever dies
Sea and sky
Its only money
Tools to buy bubblegum

I See

I see

Whatever it is in you
That is essentially good
That is amazing
That is beautiful
I see

You don’t see
That I see that

You don’t see
My honesty
You see
My dark side
And move your face
When I move in for a kiss
And your hand pushes me away

When I need you to guide me to nowhere
I get it
I can’t give you enough
There aren’t many other issues

Its simple
You’re not for me
I’m not for you
Soultwins aside
You need someone to talk to
You need someone else
Someone to provide you with a house of gleaming tiles and a child’s smile
The unfortunate mess is that I cannot even bring you that
At least not right now

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Blind of Ear

Blind of Ear

I hear you out there
I hear you in there
I hear you all over
I hear you in everything my ears are for
I speak of you kindly
Even though you can be cruel
Even though we don’t add up
I avoid others
I avoid myself
I avoid the waking world
I avoid the speeches of negativity
The rhetoric
The hypothetical
I’ve never seen better lips
What comes out of them hurts sometimes
What comes out of them kills sometimes
Your hands
Have another way with words
They can be pretty cruel too
I’ve been with you because you are real
I think
For now… a break… not for good
For now my bedtime on anyday is my Friday
I welcome a day of hard labour
It keeps me from hearing how much I miss you.

- Bran.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Somewhere Else

Somewhere Else

Not all there
Don’t have to be
Don’t need to be
Prospects are numb and undefined

Letting loose
Shifting the patterns
Making, forcing things to work
Just for you
If you are ruthless, do it with grace
Do it without being vicious
Rule with kindness, crush with love
Way more powerful than material weapons
Weapons without bullets
Bombs that only detonate as a new understanding
An understanding that
sometimes, some times somewhere has a thought
Keeps you way ahead of the game
Keeps you way ahead of the game
No matter what is said about you. Your way.
It works for you,
it works very well
Its just the others that may not see
They don’t hold the balance of power although they may put on that poker face.
- Bran.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Angelic Frustration

Angelic Frustration

Quite content to know that they don’t get it
It slays the heart and mind slowly
but its sweeter that way
It bleeds you slow like a parasite, a leech
The anger, the frustration of the angelic state of mind
Watch the soulless, the souldead, walk around in blissful ignorance
If ignorance is bliss why do they seem so unhappy?

I may have it all wrong.
My process may be all jazzed up, but I feel fine.
It just gets tight.
Frustrating to be a third eye blind visionary in a world that only sees the green of numbers on watermarked paper.
I must be way off.
All I feel is Universal Love.
That and the white knuckled urge to slam my head into cinder blocks to knock some sense into the sighted ones.
Then again I don’t know from funny.
I don’t understand
That may be wrong
I just don’t have a clue where to go anymore.
But I’ll get there
Wherever the hell there is.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Blame Game

Blame Everything and Everyone

Blame yourself
Blame your friends
Blame that spider for dying after it rained
Blame superstition
Blame the sun
You need an excuse these days
You need some kind of rationale for this shit
Even when something beautiful happens
Blame the orchestration of the party for the reason you poop
Tell them its their fault you had a good time
Blame the size of the plunger for the backed up toilet
Blame something, anything for that allergy
Sue any one who doesn’t cover their ass
Hide from anyone who throws the blame at you
Shift it on to them deviously
Keep blaming
It’ll get you further
Just try to be nice about it
Or you’re to blame.

- Bran.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Coasting Ferry


Ocean breeze
Warm bath water air
Sunny wind cools the face
Music induces euphoria
Acceptance of everything attempted
Everything we go through
In this Life
Roll the Die
Deal the deck
Spin the wheel
Smile at strangers
Enjoying a moment
Living large on a handful of pennies
Feeling like a king with no throne
No army
No knights
And no queen
I feel them anyway
In the air
On the journey
Always entirely feeling the next destination
- Bran.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Sapphire Bay Beach, St. Thomas, USVI

Sapphire Bay

Angel fish swim up close
Startled by their quickness
A barracuda notices you
Startled again
Beach iguana approach young tots
Tame as puppies

All the past
All the judgements
All the instability
Leaves you when you finally get rest
Rest your mind on the tan blue sand
Its all about peace
You can say its a lot like love
You can find it when you’re not lookin’
Its a lot like finding the greatest emotional amenities
They’re right in front of you
And sometimes
You don’t even have to look
It just kind of shows up
Maybe it is best that the greatest blessings show up when you’re not looking
And you don’t even have to touch.
Just feel.
Feel it.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Virgin Gorda, BVI


Emmersed boulders moulded only from time
Path carved from sand grit and ocean tides
Hurricanes, surf, riptide and undertow cease to inhibit the entrance to secret grottoes
Hidden beaches nestle quiet families enjoying peace and release from the trappings of the world
One of the brilliant things, the true marvels in this life to blame god for
I wait at this beach… that beach for my siren, my mermaid.
I don’t look anymore, she’ll find me.
I think most often that the beauty in the place you are can be exactly what I’m married to
It can be exactly what I need
That place you are.
That place I’ll end up One day
That place where you’ll find me
And maybe we’ll come to the Bath’s
And have release
And find our Peace
And find our Place.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Sense of Direction


All Over The Map
All Over The Map?
We never did have a destination did we?
So why not do a little of the surfing, the flying, the driving, the walking and the sprinting?
And then crawl.
Crawl back.
Back home.
Home. Now where is our home again?
The cage with the open door?
Why go to that home?
No one has changed the newspapers on the bottom and the seed bell has only a few pecks left on it.
Let’s build another cage somewhere else. And.
And until then why not be? Just be.
Why not be all over the map and fully embrace whatever you find.

Monday, February 15, 2010



Holding a handful of sand
Watching the whitecaps
The wave bursts onto the shoreline
Holding my handful of sand
I kneel
I wait
I bow
I think
I lower my hands to the ground
The flecks of gold are like paste in my palms
Every grain is a memory
Every colour a thought
The paste is the glue that holds the past together
The tide reaches up on the shoreline
The tide creeps to the ends of my arms
My hands show signs of wear
The salt water of an ocean of tears seeps through my fingers
The sand washes it away.
Washed away
With a clean slate and a clear mind I feel more than vindicated.

- Bran.

A tad sexy


A short kiss with a long breath
A shadow on the cheeks from a day’s hard drinkin’
The patina belt passes quickly through each loop
The feeling of being unbuttoned
The feeling of claws unzipping denim
Tight grasps of the hips
And forgetting the socks
And forgetting the bra
And forgetting reality’s grip
And forgetting the past
All the letters sent
All the gifts given
All the neck smells in the cabinet
All for a bit of romancin’

Underestimation of You


Build on their judgements
Their perception of your lack of
Their perception of your weakness
Their wealth of ignorance
You build. You build it up.
You break from the thunderclap.
The artists that break strings
Your anthem
The underestimation of your worth
The oversight of your kindness
The blindness to your light
The glow of your healed scars
Scars of ethereal battle wounds
Scars only shown through the eyes of the truly hurt
Your beacon heart hides
Your racing brain sickens
Underestimation your greatest strength
It puzzles them how you keep on
They don’t realize that it is your enemy that gives you this strength
The strength of their underestimation.

Strength Reserve

Strength Reserve

Cash it in
Their Karmic Debt
Defies reason
Invites doubt
Your calling is a smile
Your wisdom cries Youth
The pressure soothes the back’s of broken men
Your strength is hidden
It seems you’re weak
You’ve held your cards
Yet to play your hand
You fold the five aces
And then show them you had it
They begin to ask why
Looking for the reason
Hoping for a point
You open up
The real strength is not in the game
Does not come from a victory
It simply comes from knowing
and knowing that you know is strength enough.

- Bran.

Sunday, February 14, 2010



Comes in waves
Hurts like blades
Leaves you dry
Helps you cry
Learn from the pain
The best teacher
Set apart from the heart
Eaten by doubt
Comfort in distractions
Knowledge from regret
Embraced by failure
Victories cast aside
To endure is bliss
Survival is pleasure
Edge of reason bleeds pride
Racing thoughts dive deep
Telepathic soul finds the antidote
Sanity’s fine line is paper thin
Scribe the suffering as the exit point

Friday, February 12, 2010



To feel it, even feel it, is amazing.
Every difference settled between every, even the most insignificant argument.
Every mismanaged troubled avenue explored set aside
Eyes wide open as each soul embraces a new understanding.
Brought together through chaos
Forgotten disputes settled over satirical memories and stereotypes simply mocked.
The only ridicule is the game
Each individual achievement even the smallest is applauded
Grins from every nook and every corner
The foundation was laid in ancient times
The tower continues to be built
The architecture studied and carefully crafted
Accepted hand in hand

- Bran.



Mayhem. Embrace. A Kiss. Air.
Meltdown. Cradled. Sensual. Aura.
The clouds envelope your spirit.
A gift from another time. You use the power for reason, for change.
You trust. You must pack trust for the flight.
No wings, just thought, the right thought and you’re up.
In flight.
There is no mind or weight or toxins
There is only life after the beacon is seen.
We all have the chance for flight.
To leave. To stay. First walk. Then crawl. Then kneel.
No prayer. You won’t need that anymore. You’re already there.
You did, didn’t you? You forgot we were already flying. You won’t need to anymore.
You won’t forget this flight.
Not this time.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Are you?... You are?

Are you?... You are?

You are the idea of hidden strength
You are the helper in uncertain ages
You are the seed of eternal wealth
You bring me to my knees
I thought I’d seen it all
Your thoughts allow me to drift away
Your voice binds my most vicious demons
Your laughter is always a level up
Your hidden talents are invisible to reality
Your silence means more than anything
That’s when you do your best work
Your sleeping shape is as comforting to watch as it is to dream of
Your anger creates striking visions of demanded peace
Your tears weaken the souls of the bravest of warriors
Your beauty makes me ache with Universal Love
I can say more but you’re already too much for me to handle
I can’t resist, you’re too… too everything
The way you handle a challenge baffles the most seasoned strategist
Your ideal world doesn’t seem so far away as long as you’re near
Nothing is complicated, when you arrive, tension dissolves
I feel reborn and at the same time deconstructed
All the madness flees from my spirit
Might I add that I want to feel weak in your presence
It helps me to abandon and disarm all that I once knew
Romanticising the situation never felt so small… so insignificant
I don’t even need to have you around as I know we are inseparable.

- Bran.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Pins and Needles

Pins and Needles

The feeling of deadened unusable limbs
The taste of a sickly sweet fruit that is a delicacy of forbidden sedation
The touch of a lustful kiss between strangers high on a bond between chakras
The intensity of a brief encounter with a sensual ghost of lover’s past
The pain of the sight of your enemy enjoying his spoils
The heat of something so cold that burns like a river of razorblades
The warmth of a truly meaningful embrace between kin
The wave of goodbyes from an end to a life you once knew
The elation of an averted glance between two souls who recognize a future
The numbing effect of all these sweet pins and needles.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Blindness/An Injustice - February '10

Blindness/An Injustice

No vision
Feeling around in the dark
Touching only darkness
Pin pricks of light
Not stars
Knowing a deeper more beautiful place
Faith in its existence
Torture to find the entrance
Destiny led us here
The Free welcome you in
You battle the last effort of the demons
They fall into oblivion
We approach the gates of bliss
A key
A key found not in the mind
Passage here is granted only by the thoughts of the heart
Hearts that bleed the word Freedom