Friday, December 3, 2010

Pulling the Reigns

It's been two years since I took the reigns.
I let go and let the real professionals be in charge for three months.

After that I grabbed the reigns and took control again.
I moved out of a bad environment, knowing that that was the last of the problems.
I worked on thy self and what I didn't know about it.
Knowing They Self is what a lot of people pretend to do.
They forget that it takes a shitload of work.
Do you truly know your self?
I find it to be the best job ever in wanting to know and wanting to be in control of "thy self".
I was into everything before I got the real professional help.
I was also not very knowledgable about who I was.
I didn't love my self as much as I thought either.
These days I feel that I'm in control.
It my just be a feeling or it my be a ruse.
It feels great though.
Every now and then I get the feeling that another chapter has concluded.
I feel that each of these chapters has been a good read and not always about me.
Although in "my book" or "my movie".
I'm in love with the 'me' part of my life again and it feels as awkward as trying to hold hands for the first time.
Awkward in that unbelievably new way. A happy way.
My eyes are feasting on things that I've never noticed before and if I've noticed them it's in a new way.
I'm doing things again that I used to do well and having it be entirely new. Like a skill that I used to be great at and now being a novice again. I figure that everything I've learned is now a memory and trying them again adds a beginning to the process.
Things like shooting a basketball.
Things like cooking a gourmet meal.
Things like making love.
Things like giving hugs.
Things like completing a poem and refining it.
Things like... well, you might get the hint.
I'm enjoying watching others get further.
I'm seeing how others feel.
I'm balancing my life and getting further with it.

I'll keep you posted.